It took me a long time to get to this point, but like with all other situations- doing what you want is totally okay.
There is a term used in Russia- Decembrist Wife, which is commonly used to represent true love and devotion of a wife to her husband. In the 19th Century, a group of rebels called the Decembrists led a revolt against Nicholas the First taking the throne. The revolt failed and the leaders were sent into exile- but their wives stoically chose to follow them.
Feminism in Russia is really interesting- women still expect their men to pay for absolutely everything with absolutely no irony. They follow social rules about women not lifting anything too heavy, *eyeroll* but really value strong female ~values. That’s why Decembrist wives as a romantic ideal are so interesting to me. Most Americans would consider “following some guy around” to be quite the opposite of what a “strong, independent woman” would do; But Russian’s don’t see it that way at all.
I am clearly not an expert, but I love the way Natasha Lavrishina put it on her blog. She says “the “Decembrist wife” is taking her decision independently. She often fights for it and maintains her degree of autonomy, borderline detachment through the entire journey. Furthermore, the “Decembrist wife” in her pure form is not taken for granted. She is appreciated, even glorified by those very men.”
A Decembrist wife is a strong woman, true feminist, etc, simply because she knows what she wants and she is willing to do anything for it. She’s independent, and brave to give up her comfortable life to go into an unknown situation to support her husband.
I’m not saying I’m a Decembrist wife for following my boyfriend to Russia for his Master’s program, because Modern Day Moscow is certainly not the same as exile, but I’m no less of a feminist for putting my own life or possible career goals on hold to be here with him.
Women can do whatever they want. That’s basically the point of feminism. If you want to pursue a high power/pay job, that’s great! If you want to stay home with kids and cook and take care of your house, that’s great! The point is that as long as you are free to do what you want, and no one is forcing you to do the opposite, then congratulations, feminism is working!
Finding Eden 