From my times working and studying abroad, I’ve noticed that I’ve changed quite a bit. Of course I’ve changed in the expected ways- more independent, more adventurous, and more sure of myself, but I’ve also changed in some unexpected ways.
I’ve started to speak completely differently. I might even go as far as to say that I lost fluency in my OWN language. You interact with so many people who speak such different levels of English that you tend to simplify as much as possible so you can make sure you’re understood. I’m actually quite proud of the fact that I can have a full conversation with a Russian five-year-old who barely speaks English, but I do miss using long words and having complex conversations. It might just be me, but I can’t do both.
I’ve also become a little bit more closed off. The problem with traveling to countries where they don’t speak your native language, is that you slowly start getting quieter and quieter. My real problem is that I haven’t felt ~comfortable for over a year now because I haven’t been able to grasp enough of the language to be able to talk anyone. Every time I leave the house I worry about having to talk to someone. You really take it for granted in your own country that you can just talk to people; you can ask someone in the store to help you find something, you can respond to someone talking to you on the street, you can be polite to waiters… I miss it.
I have a harder time making close friends. When you jump from place to place you make more friends, but you don’t make close friends. It’s sad to get close to people and then leave. It’s sad to know that it’s likely you’ll never see your friends again after you leave the country. Its also hard to hold on to old friendships. People have lives and no matter how much effort you put into your friendships, it’s different when you’re not there. You have to be there, physically hang out, and see them regularly to keep your friends close.
Everything is give and take, and it’s hard for me to know for sure that I made the right decision with where I am. Every decision you make will change the path your life takes and I wonder if I’m making the right choices. Or even if there are such things as right choices. Who would I be if I had never left home? Would that person be better or worse than who I am now?
Finding Eden 