Category: Personal Philosophies

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Personal Philosophies

An American View on Vaccines

Until living in Europe I didn’t realize that it wasn’t common for everyone to get every possible vaccine as a child.

And until Covid times, I didn’t realize that it’s not accurate to say that all Americans love vaccines.

But I do. I love them.

It was crazy to me to find out that none of my coworkers or the students at our school had been vaccinated against chicken pox. When there was an outbreak at our school every single kid came down with it and the school manager texted to ask if I had chicken pox already as a child and I had to tell her I had never even met someone who has every had chicken pox!

After this incident I got a little bit obsessed and started asking anyone who was willing to answer about their opinion on vaccines and if they were planning on vaccinating their own kids- and I was shocked to find out that no, they were not.

Outside of the US it’s generally preferred to just expose your kids to a virus if it’s not deadly, but personally, I’d rather save them the pain, discomfort, and scars whenever possible.

I feel the same about any vaccine- I trust the science, vaccines have been around for a long time, and generally do what they’re meant to do with no downsides. I’d much rather have a sore arm than get a preventable disease!

Because of this I have taken every Covid Vaccine offered to me. I took both doses of Sputnik in February 2021, and when I returned to the states in August and found that it still wasn’t recognized by the WHO, I took both doses of Moderna too. I was even featured in a USA Today article, being one of only a handful of people who have taken multiple covid vaccines (against CDC recommendations.)

I like vaccines, I trust science, and I’m also not scared of GMOs. 😉

Love, Your Friendly Internet American

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Personal Philosophies Russia

How to Never Be Happy Again- Wherever You Go

Compaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare, compare, compare. Comparison is the thief of joy. – Teddy Roosevelt

People always say that once you live abroad, you leave a piece of your heart wherever you go, and that will always be true, but trying to compare the places you’ve been and dwelling on the past can’t lead to anything good.

I lived in Italy, got the travel rush and immediately started planning for China. Paperwork took so long that I was miserable waiting at home. I made it to China and ended up not really liking it as much as I thought I would, and started planning for Russia while we were still there. I went home for a week between, and I think it wasn’t quite enough because as open minded as I tried to be about a 2 year commitment in Russia, I really missed home.

Moscow had one of it’s coldest Septembers ever, right when I arrived and I am a desert rat who had just spent half a year in the tropics! It was a tough transition, and it certainly didn’t help that I hit the ground running and went into my first day of work about 4 hours after landing.

I felt stuck, I felt homesick, I felt cold. I was watching my friends posting Instagram stories of the never-ending summer activities I knew and loved in AZ while facing my first Russian winter, and anyone who had to deal with me got an earful of how unhappy I was.

I liked living abroad (I still do), but I think I rushed too fast into another round and then I really leaned into it and made myself feel more trapped and miserable than I really had reason to be.

Between bad management, poor work environment, abusive coworkers, and Covid, it took me about a year to really give Moscow a chance and settle in, and it’s one of the biggest regrets of my life.

Moscow has so much to offer- comfort, convenience, cost, and culture, but I didn’t let myself recognize it fast enough, and now that I finally made it back home, I’m realizing all that I had there and didn’t appreciate enough.

Mindfulness could have solved all of this. If I had addressed my issues head on, I would have escaped a whole cycle of sadness.

Working less, going out more, finding friends and hobbies, and calling my family more also helped me turn it around, but I wasted a lot of time getting there.

Try not to compare, but instead throw yourself into all the best the place that you’re in has to offer!

Living in the US right now is honestly not great – cost of living has skyrocketed, and pay hasn’t improved at all, food culture is not spectacular, transportation is terrible (as always). But my family is here, and there is beautiful nature, I have far better professional development opportunities, and I can speak the language!

I have now been home for 2 months and I am fully settling back in to Arizona life. I miss Russia a lot, but I’m going to do my best not to let missing somewhere else ruin another possibly fantastic experience.

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Personal Philosophies

Balance

I have a hard time valuing balance in my life. I know it’s important, but there is a lot standing in my way of actively pursuing it.

I teeter totter between a normal healthy lifestyle and absolutely gorging myself while taking 12 steps a day. Depression, narcolepsy, and weather keeps me in bed, and my favorite way to cheer myself is baking elaborate treats. I get obsessed with a new hobby for a couple weeks and then I never touch it again. I think someone is my new best friend until they get on my bad side, and then I hate them forever. I’m all or nothing, and I have a similar story for basically every aspect of my life.

I know I’m not alone, because I’ve seen this comic pop up 1,000 times over the years

Every time I recognize that I have somehow managed to develop the tiniest sliver of balance in my life it’s like an epiphany: “Wow, I have found the key to happiness. I must tell everyone my new discovery!” And then I stop doing whatever I was doing within the week.

It’s just how I operate.

I’m not super sure how I feel about tattoos, but if I did ever get one, it would be the alchemical symbol for balance.

And I’d put it on my bad knee, because irony.

The past few weeks I have been thinking a lot about balance as I leave my job halfway through the day. I was so miserable, angry, and sad at work that I snapped and tried to quit. Well, I did quit, I wrote the letter, I had a new job lined up, but they absolutely begged me to stay. (That’s not super applicable here, I just wanted to include some background info.) So I made a deal and now I get to leave after lunch! Every day when I leave I go through a barrage of emotions. I feel relief, like I’m escaping prison. I feel bad for leaving my coworkers there with an even heavier workload without me. But mostly I feel guilty for not earning as much as I should. It’s not like I have anything else I need to do, I just really don’t want to be there anymore, I’m not happy. I’m still earning more than I need and I’m saving a lot, but I can’t shake that itchy guilt every day.

I’ve always had the mindset that any time you choose not to work when you have the opportunity, that’s the same as money being spent. You’re still losing the money, you’re just losing it by doing something you want to do rather than working. This really influenced how often I went to work sick too. “Am I sick enough to lose $100?” Nah.

Having a salaried job that pays sick leave has definitely been a game changer though. Now the only thing that makes me come to work even if I’m sick is my baby sister syndrome telling me to suck it up, because I’m not really sick. Coronavirus has helped me to recognize how unbelievably irresponsible it is, but I still have to rely on my awesome coworkers to bully me into taking a sick day every once in a while.

I’m still working on not internally shaming myself when I go home, but I have to admit it has improved my quality of life a lot.

It does absolutely no good for me to work less to strive for a better home/work balance if I’m just going to turn around and guilt myself for not maximizing my earning potential!!!

I know this guy who straight up works like 80 hour weeks for a couple months and saves all his money, then quits for 6 months and lives off of ramen and his savings. When he runs out of money, he gets a new job. While that seems sort of stressful and unhealthy to me, that’s balance for him.

I’m still trying to find my balance, especially when it comes to work, but I know it’s important and I’m working on it. Maybe I should get that tattoo to remind me. 😉

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Personal Philosophies

It’s OK to Prioritize Romance

It took me a long time to get to this point, but like with all other situations- doing what you want is totally okay.

There is a term used in Russia- Decembrist Wife, which is commonly used to represent true love and devotion of a wife to her husband. In the 19th Century, a group of rebels called the Decembrists led a revolt against Nicholas the First taking the throne. The revolt failed and the leaders were sent into exile- but their wives stoically chose to follow them.

Feminism in Russia is really interesting- women still expect their men to pay for absolutely everything with absolutely no irony. They follow social rules about women not lifting anything too heavy, *eyeroll* but really value strong female ~values. That’s why Decembrist wives as a romantic ideal are so interesting to me. Most Americans would consider “following some guy around” to be quite the opposite of what a “strong, independent woman” would do; But Russian’s don’t see it that way at all.

I am clearly not an expert, but I love the way Natasha Lavrishina put it on her blog. She says “the “Decembrist wife” is taking her decision independently. She often fights for it and   maintains her degree of autonomy, borderline detachment  through the entire journey.  Furthermore, the “Decembrist wife”  in her pure form is not taken for granted. She is appreciated, even glorified by those very men.”

A Decembrist wife is a strong woman, true feminist, etc, simply because she knows what she wants and she is willing to do anything for it. She’s independent, and brave to give up her comfortable life to go into an unknown situation to support her husband.

I’m not saying I’m a Decembrist wife for following my boyfriend to Russia for his Master’s program, because Modern Day Moscow is certainly not the same as exile, but I’m no less of a feminist for putting my own life or possible career goals on hold to be here with him.

Women can do whatever they want. That’s basically the point of feminism. If you want to pursue a high power/pay job, that’s great! If you want to stay home with kids and cook and take care of your house, that’s great! The point is that as long as you are free to do what you want, and no one is forcing you to do the opposite, then congratulations, feminism is working!

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ESL Teaching Tips General Advice Personal Philosophies Study Abroads

How You Change After Living Abroad

From my times working and studying abroad, I’ve noticed that I’ve changed quite a bit. Of course I’ve changed in the expected ways- more independent, more adventurous, and more sure of myself, but I’ve also changed in some unexpected ways.

I’ve started to speak completely differently. I might even go as far as to say that I lost fluency in my OWN language. You interact with so many people who speak such different levels of English that you tend to simplify as much as possible so you can make sure you’re understood. I’m actually quite proud of the fact that I can have a full conversation with a Russian five-year-old who barely speaks English, but I do miss using long words and having complex conversations. It might just be me, but I can’t do both.

I’ve also become a little bit more closed off. The problem with traveling to countries where they don’t speak your native language, is that you slowly start getting quieter and quieter. My real problem is that I haven’t felt ~comfortable for over a year now because I haven’t been able to grasp enough of the language to be able to talk anyone. Every time I leave the house I worry about having to talk to someone. You really take it for granted in your own country that you can just talk to people; you can ask someone in the store to help you find something, you can respond to someone talking to you on the street, you can be polite to waiters… I miss it.

I have a harder time making close friends. When you jump from place to place you make more friends, but you don’t make close friends. It’s sad to get close to people and then leave. It’s sad to know that it’s likely you’ll never see your friends again after you leave the country. Its also hard to hold on to old friendships. People have lives and no matter how much effort you put into your friendships, it’s different when you’re not there. You have to be there, physically hang out, and see them regularly to keep your friends close.

Everything is give and take, and it’s hard for me to know for sure that I made the right decision with where I am. Every decision you make will change the path your life takes and I wonder if I’m making the right choices. Or even if there are such things as right choices. Who would I be if I had never left home? Would that person be better or worse than who I am now?

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